McGriddle Yub Yub

Thursday I had a McGriddle. Allow me to recount the experience.

Pre 9:30 - Because of my unpredictable and infinitely strange sleep schedule, I have not slept for about 20 hours. This has happened before, and the last few hours before class can become quite difficult. I decided that I can use the last hour before class to get a bite to eat. Hopefully it'll keep me awake, but it will surely give me something to do. I decide on: McGriddle.

9:30 - I arrive at McDonald's, quite hessitant. McDonald's generally tastes like crap in addition to being bad for you, but as I have always thought, "If there is hope, it lies in breakfast." So I push through the doors and approach the counter.

A quick review of the combos on the menu shows me exactly what I want: a McGriddle with sausage, egg, and cheese. It's a number 10, and it comes with an orange juice and hash brown.

9:35 - Time to order. I casually ask for a number 10 with a small orange juice, swipe my credit card, and move to the pick up line. There's some black guy whose job seems to be to stand around and put hash browns in the paper hash brown bag things. He keeps saying things to one of the cashiers who seems to be latin american, "Yo, you want dat pussy raped?" Or, "How about if I get up inside ya," along with countless other things. Constantly. The cashier just cusses back at him in Spanish with an occassional, "Shut up, Tyrone."

9:40 - I get my meal and sit down at a table. I unwrap it and examine this thing that I've never seen before. It smells pretty good. Looks like instead of a biscuit they have pancakes, and-- Oh my! Maple syrup, too. I bite into it and it is delicious. The sweetness of the syrup really contrasts and compliments the savory flavors of the other ingredients. This is by far the tastiest McDonald's treat I've ever had, and perhaps one of the best fast food confections in general. C'est magnifique!

9:50 - Hash brown and McGriddle are about 3/4 done, each, but the 450 calories of the McGriddle are beginning to take its toll. Each bite is agony. My stomach says no, but my taste buds are saying oh God, yes. The only way I can keep going is by drinking orange juice between each bite and alternate between McGriddle and hash brown, but my orange juice is running dangerously low.

10:00 - Hash brown is finished. Two bites of McGriddle left, but my orange juice is completely out. In fact, it had been out for the past few bites. I take a deep breath and take in the next to last bite.

10:05 - I finally down that bite and only one small, bite-sized piece remains. It's so silly that I don't eat it right away, but I really, really think it's a bad idea. I stare it down. I go over the consequences. Finally I pick it up and shove it in my mouth. Hastily I chew, and quickly I swallow. I've done it! I've eaten my first McGriddle. Not including the sides, that's 410 calories, 36% of my DR fat, 80% of my cholesterol, and 54% of my sodium. I lean back in my chair and bask in the glory that is the McGriddle.

10:10 - Glucose levels in my blood are soaring and my body is pumping out insulin like nobody's business. From one sandwich I'm probably on the verge of becoming a type II diabetic. I have 20 minutes to blow before class, and my mind feels rather sluggish. I'm getting burnt out.

10:25 - I wake up suddenly and take off to class. It's nice to get moving. I think it helps circulate my blood. At least it feels like it. I take a seat in class and after a few minutes fall asleep.

11:18 - Class ends and my stomach isn't feeling so hot. I really want to go home and take a nap, but I have another class to attend. Oh snap, I have to use the bathroom.

12:18 - Next class ends and I feel better. It seems that my McGriddle experience is finally over... or is it?