Shit

So I had a fight with my ex-girlfriend today. I mean, don't you break up with them so you don't have to fight anymore?

I was at some bar throwing down some beers. Yes, it's tuesday and I don't normally drink on Tuesday, but I have lots of work to do and am getting quite stressed. Anyway, I see an old friend from high school, and what do you do when you see old friends? Well, sometimes you avoid them, but in this case I wanted to talk to him.

So I went over to him and we started shooting the shit and getting caught up on the past few years. It was actually pretty cool. Then the girl in question returned and it became quickly apparent that they were dating. Unfortunately for her, he was quite engaged with me and had to tell her on several occassions that he'd get back with her in a minute.

She wasn't satisfied. So finally he said, "Sorry, man, this bitch is high maintenance." I laughed and in that comrade sort of way and told him, "Oh yeah, I know exactly how she can be," and winked. We both laughed.

"Bitch!" she stomped on my foot. So I punched her in the face, knocking her to the ground, "Who's the bitch now?"

She got up, and one thing that I knew from when we had dated was that she was tougher than nails. Maybe I should've thought it out further, but I figured my tae kwon do would be enough to take her.

I easily sidestepped her first downward slash, then side stepped her second. She went to kick me in the balls but I use a two fist, arms crossed low black. This, however, left my head unprotected. A back hand came quickly to my right cheek, then a slap to my left. Her left hand came at me with a punch but I was able to deflect with an inside to out block with my fore arm.

Wow, I hadn't used these skills for a long time, but they were starting to come back.

I follow the block and grab her arm with my left hand. Stepping to the outside I quickly locked the arm in place and rotated my entire body using its force to snap her arm at the elbow. She gave out a cry, but clocked me in the face with her still-functioning right fist. I could see that her fighting skills were coming back, too. She came with a quick side kick to my midsection nearly knocking the wind out of me. Next was a lightning fast round house kick that I was able to block with both my arms, even though it hurt like hell and knocked me a little off balance. Her flurry of attacks continued with side kicks, front kicks, round house kicks, punchs, knife hands, palm attacks. Some were connecting and others I was able to dodge or block, but too many were connecting and moving me back.

I found myself back against the wall and in incredible pain. The fighting had stopped for some reason, but the world was still spinning around me. I punched in her direction, but my hands just seemed to pass through her. Then I saw her arm cocked back and suddenly I end up on the floor, face throbbing. She grabbed my shirt and pulled me up to my knees.

"You're the fucking bitch," she said just before her side kick wiped me out of consiousness.

I guess I need to brush up on my techniques. I really should have done more to use her own motion against her. Oh well, maybe next year.